So I’ve just spent the last several hours watching an anime called Toradora. The title is a mashup of the Japanese words for tiger and dragon. The two main characters are Ryuji and Taiga, the dragon and tiger of the story. It’s probably supposed to be a romantic comedy, and it certainly presents itself in a fairly light manner. The drama is pretty heavy handed though. Some of the conflicts are pretty forced. That hasn’t stopped me from enjoying it. I guess that’s obvious or I wouldn’t be awake at 3 AM writing about it.

I discovered anime when I was in high school. The first one I ever watched was an over-the-top comedy called Outlanders. Barely had a plot at all. I loved it. A crazy alien girl sent to wipe us filthy apes off the face of the planet falls in love with a pathetic photographer. Really, I watched just about any movie, show, or anime that had a bit of romance in it. Ah My Goddess! was next after Outlanders. Definitely had a crush on Belldandy. I didn’t think about it too much back then. Why I was drawn to that. Too close to the situation to see clearly. Isn’t that the biggest kick in the ass? To be so wrapped up or overwhelmed by what you’re feeling to be blind to the realities of the situation. Looking back it’s pretty clear that all of those movies and shows about falling in love, struggling to express it, all of it was a surrogate for what was happening to me. I’ve heard it said that nothing hurts as much as your first love. A bit of forethought could have helped me quite a bit. Not a good idea to take a class just to be with someone you’re in love with after they dump you. You still have to show up to class. Probably why I’ve never pursued anyone I work with. Messy. I digress though.

I’m now on episode 25. (SPOILER ALERT: READ NO FURTHER IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE PLOT TO TORADORA) In the last couple of episodes, out heroes have finally admitted their feelings for each other. I won’t go into the ridiculous means the writers went to keep them from doing this much sooner. I’ve never been to Japan, but I have a hard time believing the willful obliviousness of some of these kids. There was a time when I thought it was just a difference between US and Japanese culture, but I’m not that young anymore. Not that I don’t understand, once they get together the story is over, right? Bleh. Pretty tired of this trope. It’s all over the media EVERYWHERE. As if the bits that happen after people start dating aren’t interesting? I have to wonder if this tendency in television and movies, magazines and manga, really builds up an image of love and relationships that has no bearing whatsoever on reality? I mean sure, when I was in high school it was damn hard to talk to girls, to tell the girl I loved that I love her. I did, and I got hurt. Some people don’t, and still get hurt. The rare few stick together from those early days. I think this constant buildup of the “before love” gives people expectations that can never be met.

My love life has been a train wreck pretty much from the beginning. I fixated on one girl throughout junior high and high school. I was in an abusive (emotionally) relationship for quite some time after that. It took me years to get out of that one, and more years to understand why I needed to. I don’t hate her for the abuse though. We were both young and dumb. It came down to wanting different things. Neither of us could understand that though. It’s easy to confuse intimacy and the closeness that brings with love when you don’t have the experience to tell the difference. I learned a great deal from that relationship. I learn from every relationship. At least I try to. So I’ve dated, married, divorced, married, divorced… I’ve come to understand what it means, really means, that we are all different. It sounds obvious, but everyone being different means relationships are all different. Not superficially either, but truly unique. How could they not be? You take two or more unique individuals and put them together. Never know what’s going to come out of it. You can’t be too afraid to try. I won’t say don’t be afraid because there’s a lot to fear. Just can’t let the fear freeze you in place, or stop you from taking a chance. Even if that ends up in failure, you’ve learned something. Another combination that won’t work. To quote Thomas Edison: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” (I am aware that this attribution is contested, doesn’t change how apt it is.)  So keep on learning from failure in the hopes of being able to recognize the real deal when you meet them.

Back at the ranch, I think what is pissing me off most about what’s happened in Toradora is just how forced this latest conflict is. Ryuji and Taiga were ready to elope if their parents tried to stand in their way. They’ve finally admitted their feelings and are taking the first steps to becoming a real partnership. They already know each other behind their social masks so really they’ve got big leg up over most new relationships. It can be pretty awkward when you start letting someone far enough into your life to really see all of the little “gross” things we do that are part of life, but that society likes to pretend doesn’t happen. Anyway, there’s some drama where they decide to run away. Sort of. Their friends all think it’s a bad idea but help them on their way. (True friendship or total irresponsibility?) After making their decision they both run home to get a few things. Ryuji expected to have to fight past his mother, but discovers she’s gone. She leaves him a letter and a watch that will get him into his grandparents’ home if he wants to. So naturally they end up there. Where else would they go, I guess? After they’re there for a day or two, they hatch a scheme to get his mom to show up. (BTW, the grandparents are incredibly understanding to take in a grandson they’ve never met along with his “bride”.) This is where they finally kiss for the first time as well. Practicing for when they really do get married. It’s actually an incredibly sweet and touching scene. Too bad it’s completely ruined by the next bit.

So after a happy family reunion, Ryuji and Taiga decide to return with Ryuji’s mom and go back to living the way they were until they can get Taigi’s dysfunctional parents’ permission to get married. Yeah, okay. At least they’re going to work on being a couple. Until Taiga comes back to her apartment to find her mother didn’t stick around to wait until she showed back up. And now, now, after all of the crap her family has put her through does she suddenly get a hair up her ass to go home and mend fences, leaving her fiance a note. A note. So of course Ryuji is devastated but is putting on a brave. All of her friends at school are upset, and more drama is about to ensue. Thus the writers have managed to narrowly avoid that kiss of death for a romantic comedy TV series, the happy ending. I think what annoys me the most is that I was far more interested in watching their relationship develop. All of the missteps they would no doubt take, Ryuji’s wacky mom breaking out with surprisingly insightful commentary from time to time. I guess that’s kind of shift to a more slice of life series, but why not? I like a lot of the things they’ve done with this series, but this forced conflict thing is just crap. It feels like they’re jerking these characters around for no more reason than to make the series longer.

I will no doubt continue watching this until it ends, or until the forced conflicts grow to such ridiculous proportions that I feel like I’m watching a puppet show by kids imitating bad soap operas.