Monthly Archives: April 2015

School, Stuck in my Head, (Not so) Deep Thoughts, Deep Thoughts, Exams, Uncategorized, Insomnia

Writing into the Darkness

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This entry is part [part not set] of 73 in the series The Writing Life Blog

It’s almost 1 AM now and I’m still awake. Despite having morning class tomorrow and knowing that being up this late is going to make me super tired for my favorite class. This isn’t the first night this week I ended up late. Why? I’ve been asking myself that very same question and so far I don’t really have an answer.

Things aren’t particularly bad right now even if I do have a tone of work from school. With just three weeks left of classes, plus one week of finals, things are getting pretty intense. The two literature classes that were manageable all semester have become a bit overwhelming. Yet really it’s just a lot of reading. Nothing I’m not used to in the end. Except I’m having trouble sitting down and doing it. I’m distracted and I have trouble concentrating.

Dead Wesley Smith talks about writing into the dark on his blog. It’s the phrase he uses to describe writing when you have no plan, no plot, and no idea what you’re going to write about. You just start writing and go. I really like this idea and I’ve been itching to try it. Then I realized that’s pretty much what I always do with my blog entries. I don’t have a plan. Sometimes I have a thought and that’s my starting point. One little thought. Tonight my thoughts are rioting among the streets and alleyways of my mind and it’s making me crazy.

I’m sad and depressed, yet hopeful and determined. Mixed feelings describes it well. Then there’s the fear. The nagging, little voice in the back of my head fear that this is all going to come crashing down and I’m just a stupid little idiot for every thinking I could pull off writing for a living.

A poem written about fear and anxiety. By Aaron Lowe
A poem written about fear and anxiety.
By Aaron Lowe
School, Writing, Inspiration, Live Writing, Method

Changing Schedules

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This entry is part [part not set] of 5 in the series Live Writing

It’s always a bit tough to change schedules once you’re used to your old one. Yet sometimes it is necessary. This is the case with my Live Writing events. I was doing them most Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1:30 PM CST but this ended up being a really bad time for me. In the past two months I’ve had to push back the time more often than I was able to stick with it. I originally picked that time and those days because of my class schedule. It gave me plenty of time to get home from my only morning class and then get down to some writing. Unfortunately these times also turned out to be best for very important things like appointments with my doctor or business that can’t wait until later in the day.

To that end I ran a short survey here on my blog asking when I should move these events to and 8 PM was the time voted for. This actually conflicts with a few things during this month but will work fine in May. So next week, barring any problems, I will be moving my live writing event temporarily to 6 PM. When May rolls around I’ll need to reassess my times anyway since classes are done in early May. I’m thinking of increasing Live Writing to anywhere from three to five days a week. If I do that though I’m thinking I need to make themes for the various episodes. Not just novel writing but maybe something like super fast short story writing. I’ve got a lot of ideas and I’m looking forward to playing with my Live Writing format to see what works best and is the most fun.

Life, School, General

Flagging Motivation

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This entry is part [part not set] of 73 in the series The Writing Life Blog

Sometimes I think the hardest thing we face in this world is moving forward when things are tough. When things are going well it’s easy to keep on going. You look forward to what the next day brings. When I worked a 9 to 5 job for years and years Friday was my favorite day. Yes, I had to get up and go to work but I knew that as soon as quitting time rolled around I had a whole weekend of possibilities before me. So I was never quite as stressed as I slogged through the daily traffic fight. The hour commute home, twice the length of the morning commute, didn’t feel that bad. Mostly because I was thinking about all of the fun things I might do that weekend. Then Sunday evening would arrive and the anxiety and fear would set in. Another week of soul-draining 9 to 5 hell, too much time spent in my car going nowhere, and a job that seemed to be running backwards. Thus I missed a lot of Mondays. I just couldn’t face them. I ended up using almost all of my sick time for those days. I lied to my boss of course since back then you didn’t take days off for mental health reasons, just physical.

Today was a Monday, the first since I started back at college full time, that I really didn’t want to get up and go to class. My motivation was shot, I was tired, and part of me was tired of the classes I’m in. (Well, not my Creative Writing class but the rest, definitely.) Part of me is very ready for this semester to be done. And yet as I was walking back from lunch with the sun shining down, a cool breeze on my face, I was reminded of how lucky I am to be here. I’ve been given the rare opportunity to get back to school and study something that I’m actually interested in. Maybe even passionate about. I get to ride the bus, walk in the fresh air, learn about things I’d never choose to learn about on my own, and keep moving forward. This Monday started out as a day of dread and flagging motivation. Now it is yet another day where I ignored the doubt, fear, and anxiety to take that next step forward.

Looking back I wonder why I ever doubted myself. Yet I know tomorrow may bring back the same battle.

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Career, General, Life, Publishing, School, Writing, Inspiration

On Editing and Finishing My Third Novel

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This entry is part [part not set] of 73 in the series The Writing Life Blog

I finished my third novel, Avatars & Identity, on Tuesday! Which was good since I’m now out of town and not really in a position to spend much time writing. It’s exciting to know that I’m still pushing on with the whole writing as a career thing even if I’m not writing as quickly as I’d like to. Part of that is just how much time school takes up. As a transfer student approved at the last minute I signed up for classes less than a week before my first day. That meant my schedule has been less than ideal. Fall semester should be much more accommodating though so that’s a plus. I’ll be doing so much writing, and much of it should be publishable. Also a plus. Yet with my third novel done and it being clear that this isn’t a passing fancy it’s time to seriously look for a professional editor. Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN.

Up to this point I’ve just been using feedback from friends and family. They’ve got a good amount of mistakes but there are plenty left in. I was okay with that when I was just starting out but now I really want to put my best foot forward whenever I publish something. Thus a professional editor is necessary. Thankfully my sister pointed out we have one among our friends so I’m in the process of getting that worked out. I know it’s going to cost a good chunk of my meager income but I think having well-edited novels is worth it.

School, Writing, Exams

Thinking Ahead

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This entry is part [part not set] of 73 in the series The Writing Life Blog

Even though this is my first semester at UW Madison I transferred in so many credits that I have senior status. Which is funny to me because I’ll still be here another three semesters at least meeting the requirements for my degree. The upside is that I’ll be one of the first undergraduates to sign up for classes. So go me, I guess. The flip-side of that little perk is that I have to figure out my classes for next semester NOW. There’s only a couple of school days left to get advice and learn about just what the possible courses I might take next semester will entail. I need to maintain full-time student status, but I’m out of the easier gen-ed courses at the end of this semester. That means a full four advanced English courses. I could easily screw myself over by taking a far too large workload on. There’s also NaNoWriMo in November that I’d really like to do, and win, this year.

Not huge problems when compared to all of the truly serious issues in the world but definitely something I’ve been pondering.

Update: After talking with the always helpful folks in the Creative Writing department I’ve settled on taking three creative writing workshops and one required literature class. Not sure how heavy the workload is going to be, especially when NaNoWriMo rolls back around, but I’m going to give it my best shot.